![\"The](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/debralwallace.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/the-grief-divide-how-to-talk-to-a-grieving-person-.jpg?resize=817%2C1235\")
<\/a><\/p>\nBut what if I make them sad?<\/h3>\n
If someone asks me about Christian and I start crying, they are good tears. They are because I loved him deeply and I grieve what happened and I am so very touched that anyone would take the time to give me space to hold his memory. If I cry it’s not because I was just happy and am suddenly sad – it’s because I was acting socially appropriate and you just gave me space to be real. If I don’t cry it’s because my grief wasn’t close enough to the surface to erupt at that moment, but it was still there and I am grateful that you thought of me.<\/p>\n
But what if they change the subject?<\/h3>\n
New moms do this too. Maybe the person has already processed all they want to that day, or they’ve told the story 100 times and they’re done processing that particular thing. Maybe they need a break from thinking about it – that’s up to them. The space to process is always a gift even if the person doesn’t take it right then.<\/p>\n
Culturally we tend to treat death as something that happens once and the person heals and moves on, but in this way, death is also like a new baby. When someone dies, the immediate shock of it is like giving birth. There are consuming days and sleepless nights. You have to get up and care for your grief and you can’t do anything else – like caring for a newborn.<\/p>\n
As the grief grows older, aspects of it become easier to manage, but it’s always there. That person is changed forever, just like each baby changes you. As the grief grows into a toddler or a school aged child the management of it changes, but it’s always there, and that’s okay. \u00a0It’s normal and healthy and good, and whether we accept it or not, it is an inevitable part of life. \u00a0The grieving person still needs to talk about it – months, years and decades into the future.<\/p>\n
But what if they make me uncomfortable?<\/h3>\n
This is probably the real issue and I’ll just say this – it’s okay to be uncomfortable. \u00a0It’s especially okay to be uncomfortable\u00a0for someone you care about.\u00a0This is their time to be in labor – to be inwardly focused. \u00a0You can hold your discomfort until you are in a different place at a different time with a different person and process with them. But in this place, in this moment with your grieving friend, hold that discomfort close to your chest. \u00a0Your friend needs a place to care for their grief until it gets a little older.<\/p>\n
Let’s change the culture.<\/h3>\n
Death happens to everyone at some point. Just as birth and moving and college and life changes are acknowledged and celebrated, death needs a space to be held and witnessed. \u00a0It only takes a moment, and it can be the thing that brings a gasping person to the surface for a breath of air.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The Grief Divide ~ How to Talk to a Grieving Person Where do non-photography related posts fit in? \u00a0Right here. \u00a0Because, well, life. Over the past two months, too much death has happened. \u00a0\u00a0Our son died. \u00a0An incredible woman from the 2015 cast of Listen to Your Mother lost her son when he was hit<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5254,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5250","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-debras-personal-posts"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/debralwallace.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/the-grief-divide-how-to-talk-to-a-grieving-person-.jpg?fit=992%2C1500&ssl=1","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5250","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5250"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5250\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5255,"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5250\/revisions\/5255"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5254"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5250"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5250"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debralwallace.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5250"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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<\/a><\/p>\n